Section 6f

In my many years having this site up I have chatted with many people who have had some sexual experience with the dead but it has been extremely rare to learn of someone's personal tragedy regarding the death of a loved one, a spouse generally, and they had the private opportunity to express their physcial love with them. I recall the story of one young wife from Indiana who's husband died of skin cancer. She stayed at his hospital bedside until he passed on.. then she shut the door to the room, began touching him where he loved to receive her touch when alive, putting her mouth where he loved to feel her mouth... and then she crawled on top of him.. and gently made love with his body as best she could.

Then there was the tale from another woman, from Montana, who's husband in his 40's was in hospice care at their home for his last days of terminal cancer. She made love with his body for hours after he succumbed before bothering to call anyone. How about the Florida husband, a medical doctor, who came home from work only to find his wife of 10 years dead on the floor from a freak heart attack. After feeling her body as being cold and seeing the telltale signs he decided to make physical love with her one last time. Grieving in this manner is not limited to spouses. There was the girl in Florida who's boyfriend was killed in a freak skiing accident. She pulled his body from the water, called in for a rescue boat, and while waiting she spent her last private moments with his body.. being physical the way they both enjoyed when he was alive. But you will note that in these cases these surviving loved ones were not normally inclined to desire sex with the dead, even in sexual role playing. These were just regular folks tossed into the emotional mix of grieving for a recently deceased loved one.. and their emotions and feelings took over.

The following story is not overly unique but because it was a recent chat I had with this fellow and the death of his wife relatively recent I thought it would be a good example of grieving love. He is a very sexual person, as was his wife, and they expressed their sexuality quite often together and in the more extreme ways. So for them sex was an important part of their lives together. BUT... their sexual interests and roleplay had nothing to do with death and sex.
Note: His nick, real name, and any references to a location have been changed to protect his privacy.

tom_tormented (2:43:26 PM): Unfortunately, my wife died suddenly on May the 25th of this year. Her pictures when alive are in my profile...and in my profiles "photo" folder as well. Take a moment to look.
shadowmn (2:43:49 PM): Oh I am so so sorry... how did she die?
tom_tormented (2:45:06 PM): Sorry, my son came in the room and started talking to me... tom_tormented (2:45:11 PM): I'm back.
tom_tormented (2:45:23 PM): Well, the cause has yet to be "officially" determined.
tom_tormented (2:45:35 PM): However, the initial thought is that it was a blood clot to the brain.
tom_tormented (2:45:40 PM): It was almost instant.
shadowmn (2:45:45 PM): jeezz.. I am so sorry, friend.
tom_tormented (2:46:05 PM): She smiled at me...her pupils dilated...her head fell back and she took four breaths and was gone.
tom_tormented (2:46:10 PM): Did you see her pics yet?
shadowmn (2:46:15 PM): yes
Note: Being a sexually expressive couple, the pics he refers to here were of her in some sexually provocative positions as they enjoyed sharing these to the world.
tom_tormented (2:46:27 PM): It was fast...and from what I have been told...painless.
tom_tormented (2:46:35 PM): She was gone instantly.
tom_tormented (2:46:54 PM): We had been married for 14 years.
shadowmn (2:46:54 PM): Such a tragic loss

shadowmn (2:47:14 PM): Where are you from?
tom_tormented (2:47:20 PM): MS
tom_tormented (2:47:31 PM): Eastern, MS...
shadowmn (2:47:33 PM): ah ok.. Illinois, recently in AZ at the moment
tom_tormented (2:47:49 PM): Ok, cool.
shadowmn (2:47:51 PM): I am so sorry.. truly.
tom_tormented (2:48:04 PM): Yea, it's tough...I am a single dad with 3 kids now.
shadowmn (2:48:16 PM): Please tell me you made last love to her somehow.
tom_tormented (2:48:28 PM): Yes, at home.
shadowmn (2:48:48 PM): You didn't call the paramedics right away?
tom_tormented (2:49:07 PM): I did...but where we live is very far out...I knew that I have almost 20 minutes with her.
shadowmn (2:49:20 PM): May I ask what you did with her
tom_tormented (2:50:03 PM): Yes, we always sleep in the nude...so, she was already naked. We were going to bed and she was reading her latest Stephen King novel.
tom_tormented (2:50:21 PM): She would read every night before turning off the light on her side of the bed.
shadowmn (2:50:36 PM): ok
tom_tormented (2:50:37 PM): This night, she looked at me and said "huh, that's funny?"
tom_tormented (2:50:41 PM): And I said "What?"
tom_tormented (2:50:56 PM): She said, "my cheek just went numb."
shadowmn (2:51:04 PM): ohh
tom_tormented (2:51:04 PM): I looked at her and she smiled.
tom_tormented (2:51:23 PM): Then she said "maybe it's a tooth thing. I need to see a dentist."
tom_tormented (2:51:27 PM): She went back to reading.
tom_tormented (2:51:40 PM): Then she said, "Wow, my fingers are tingling."
tom_tormented (2:51:43 PM): It was her left hand.
shadowmn (2:52:00 PM): ah.. a stroke huh
tom_tormented (2:52:03 PM): Then, she started to sweat. I got up and went to get her some wet towels to put on her head.
tom_tormented (2:52:29 PM): By the time I came back she was on her back. Just staring up.
tom_tormented (2:52:39 PM): I asked her if she was "OK" and she smiled.
tom_tormented (2:52:55 PM): She said, "I'll be fine" and then immediately gritted her teeth.
tom_tormented (2:53:06 PM): Her pupils opened all the way and the brown of her eyes dissapeard.
tom_tormented (2:53:32 PM): Her eyes were solid black...her head went back (as if having an orgasm) and she took four breaths.
tom_tormented (2:53:39 PM): Then, she was dead.
shadowmn (2:53:50 PM): how tragic..
tom_tormented (2:54:02 PM): She was 41 years old
tom_tormented (2:54:06 PM): Perfect health.
shadowmn (2:54:12 PM): go figure
tom_tormented (2:54:31 PM): So, I called 911 and decided to wait.
tom_tormented (2:55:07 PM): Sorry...son walked in again...
shadowmn (2:55:10 PM): np
tom_tormented (2:56:04 PM): So, basically, she was there...naked on the bed...and I was crying like a baby. It started with me kissing her forehead...caressing her breasts and kissing her lips. Most of the time I was saying "my God Kate...why did this happen!"
shadowmn (2:56:21 PM): I can only imagine
tom_tormented (2:56:31 PM): It was very intimate. Hard to explain really....pure emotion.
tom_tormented (2:56:59 PM): At this time, somewhere deep in my brain...I realized that I would never have the opportunity to make love to her again.
shadowmn (2:57:05 PM): yeah
tom_tormented (2:57:27 PM): Knowing how long the medics would take, and the fact that she was totally naked and they would never know "what" she was doing when she died...I decided to make love to her.
tom_tormented (2:58:01 PM): I spread her legs. Got some "astroglide" out of our "toy" drawer and lubricated myself.
shadowmn (2:58:10 PM): You experienced a rare intimacy few ever experience with a loved one who died
tom_tormented (2:58:34 PM): Then I slowly inserted into her (crying the whole time) and began to move.
shadowmn (2:58:38 PM): ok
shadowmn (2:58:44 PM): You said you had to lube yourself up before entering her.. was that cause you are large or more simply for feeling enhancement?
tom_tormented (3:58:55 PM): She was very dry and I am about 8 inches.
tom_tormented (2:59:04 PM): It was odd, because she was so still. She was a very responsive lover and her vaginal muscles were "milking" muscles...that sensation was missing.
tom_tormented (2:59:09 PM): She was actually very loose.
shadowmn (2:59:23 PM): yeah, I bet
tom_tormented (2:59:28 PM): Also, while I was doing her she pissed a little.
shadowmn (2:59:47 PM): that's normal..
tom_tormented (2:59:57 PM): I kept kissing her...sucking her breasts and pumping. All I could think about was that this was the last time I would ever cum in her.
shadowmn (3:00:14 PM): smart guy
tom_tormented (3:00:41 PM): So, about 10 minutes passed and I began to worry if the medics would use the siren or just pull up and knock.
tom_tormented (3:01:01 PM): I also noticed that there was some skin color change where I was touching her.
tom_tormented (3:01:42 PM): The back of her neck was starting to get darker (purple in color) and it was as if all her blood was rushing to her back.
shadowmn (3:01:50 PM): yes
tom_tormented (3:01:56 PM): I could even notice that she was getting cooler.
tom_tormented (3:02:07 PM): Not much...but some.
tom_tormented (3:02:15 PM): Enough to tell.
shadowmn (3:02:20 PM): yeah
tom_tormented (3:02:48 PM): So, I hurried up and had an intense orgasm inside her.
shadowmn (3:02:57 PM): good
tom_tormented (3:03:21 PM): I pulled out and she started to drip. So I got a T-shirt of hers and wiped her off on the outside.
shadowmn (3:03:33 PM): Think of taking any pics?
tom_tormented (3:03:49 PM): Yes.
shadowmn (3:04:00 PM): good man. you can always remember her that way
shadowmn (3:04:11 PM): your last time together
tom_tormented (3:04:15 PM): Yes.
tom_tormented (3:04:34 PM): Luckily, she loved the camera in life...I have over 3000 pics of her nude or during sex.
tom_tormented (3:04:39 PM): So, it seemed fitting.
shadowmn (3:04:44 PM): yeah
shadowmn (3:05:24 PM): My real name is ____.. "Rob" is a pen name for the site
tom_tormented (3:05:33 PM): Ok, cool.
tom_tormented (3:05:35 PM): I am Tom.
shadowmn (3:05:51 PM): Nice to meet you, Tom.. yet sad at the reason.
tom_tormented (3:06:16 PM): Yes, I am still pretty broken up about it. It was my research on embalming that led me to your site.
shadowmn (3:06:32 PM): I imagine the assholes did an autopsy on her?
tom_tormented (3:06:39 PM): 3
shadowmn (3:06:42 PM): pricks
tom_tormented (3:06:52 PM): Yea, she was an organ donor too.
tom_tormented (3:07:03 PM): 6 people got parts of her.
shadowmn (3:07:13 PM): Well, that is good. But sad they slice her pristine body all up.
tom_tormented (3:07:25 PM): Yes, very true. Hard to think about at times.
shadowmn (3:07:49 PM): Maybe at least a little of you is resting inside her.
tom_tormented (3:08:23 PM): Yes, I am sure.
tom_tormented (3:09:17 PM): When I was done...I put her hands on her chest and took a few pictures.
shadowmn (3:09:26 PM): Thanks for sharing your story. Actually.. it's a main basis for my site. Necro laws sucks.. and family members should be allowed to do what they wish with their loved ones.
tom_tormented (3:09:50 PM): Would you like to see a picture of her from after?
shadowmn (3:10:22 PM): If you would like to share in the moment and let me see a couple pics I'd be honored.. but rest assured I don't post this stuff nor hand it around. I'd loose my credibility if I did that
tom_tormented (3:10:40 PM): Ok, well, I blurred her face for safety anyway.
shadowmn (3:10:45 PM): ok
tom_tormented (3:10:55 PM): I will also share one of her in her coffin...if you wish.
shadowmn (3:11:01 PM): yes.. thanks
tom_tormented (3:12:10 PM): I took her wedding ring off in these pics...so she can't be identified by it.
tom_tormented (3:12:57 PM): Did the 1st pic come through?
shadowmn (3:13:00 PM): yes
shadowmn (3:13:22 PM): she's very attractive
tom_tormented (3:13:38 PM): Thanks.
shadowmn (3:13:51 PM): I am so so sorry Tom
tom_tormented (3:13:59 PM): Thanks again.
tom_tormented (3:37:56 PM): Well, before the medics arrived...I shaved her pussy and kept all the hair.
shadowmn (3:38:03 PM): good man
shadowmn (4:16:18 PM): Interesting visual one can muster up with that image after you did her when she died.
tom_tormented (4:16:59 PM): I really rammed hard because she was so loose.
shadowmn (4:17:23 PM): I'm sure she would have orgasmed good
tom_tormented (4:17:40 PM): The problem was that she kept sliding up the bed...and her head would start to hit the headboard...then I would have to stop and grab her ankles and pull her back down...it was odd.
shadowmn (4:17:52 PM): yeah
shadowmn (4:18:05 PM): She was large breasted..
tom_tormented (4:18:28 PM): Yea, but I held on to them or was on her most of the time.
shadowmn (4:18:35 PM): good
tom_tormented (4:18:55 PM): When the paramedics arrived, she was still naked on the bed.
tom_tormented (4:19:02 PM): It was two young guys.
shadowmn (4:19:13 PM): was she still dripping at that time?
tom_tormented (4:19:26 PM): Not until they picked her up and moved her to the gurney.
tom_tormented (4:19:31 PM): Then she gushed a little.
shadowmn (4:19:38 PM): kinda obvious then
tom_tormented (4:19:41 PM): The guy on the foot end was a little shaken.
shadowmn (4:20:05 PM): why
tom_tormented (4:20:17 PM): Seeing the cum come out of her...he looked a bit shocked.
shadowmn (4:20:21 PM): ohh hehe
tom_tormented (4:20:42 PM): I told them that we were fucking when she died.
shadowmn (4:20:56 PM): I bet that got him going too
tom_tormented (4:21:07 PM): I guess. LOL.
tom_tormented (4:21:29 PM): I do wonder about that medic.
tom_tormented (4:22:10 PM): She was totally gone...no more that could be done. They put her in the ambulance and one of the medics rode in the back with her to the hospital. Why? What is the point if she was dead?
tom_tormented (4:22:24 PM): Made me wonder.
tom_tormented (4:42:47 PM): So, I know this is a touchy issue...but do many of the people you talk to have a "faith" of some kind...or does it take someone who isn't religious to enjoy the dead.
shadowmn (4:44:29 PM): Oh.. people are all over the chart when it comes to sex with the dead and morality. Even in my own situation.. fantasy.. I am never 'fucking' the dead.. but making love with them.. it's a spiritual thing for me in a way. Not religious though. But even those who 'lust' for the dead can be religious if they hold to the idea that the soul leaves the body with the last breath.. and after that it's just an empty vessl.
shadowmn (4:44:54 PM): Hell, the Bible says that much
tom_tormented (4:45:06 PM): Well, I can be honest there...my wife was GONE the moment she died.
shadowmn (4:45:35 PM): Then who/what did you make love to?
tom_tormented (4:46:01 PM): To her body. To what I had left. Her spirit...her soul...was gone.shadowmn (4:46:17 PM): Did you 'fuck' her remains or make love?
tom_tormented (4:46:27 PM): Made love to them...that was all I had.
shadowmn (4:46:41 PM): Then you have nothing to regret.
tom_tormented (4:46:46 PM): But I knew Lyn was gone.
shadowmn (4:46:49 PM): Are you feeling guilt?
tom_tormented (4:46:51 PM): Nope.
shadowmn (4:46:55 PM): good
shadowmn (4:47:15 PM): If you had more time would you have made more love with her body?
tom_tormented (4:47:41 PM): I don't think so...I truly feel it would have cheapened the experience.
shadowmn (4:48:06 PM): I can see both sides.. but you did what you felt was right and that's all thats imoortant
tom_tormented (4:48:32 PM): For a brief moment I thought about eating her...but the libricant (and the fact she was leaking piss) really prevented that.
shadowmn (4:55:01 PM): I'm sorry for your loss, Tom.
tom_tormented (4:55:13 PM): Thank you.
tom_tormented (4:55:23 PM): It was nice talking to you.
shadowmn (4:55:31 PM): was nice talking to you too.
shadowmn (4:55:42 PM): what do you do for a living
tom_tormented (4:56:09 PM): I work for a large electronics chain.
tom_tormented (4:56:19 PM): My wife was a newspaper editor.
shadowmn (4:58:08 PM): Had sex with anyone since?
tom_tormented (4:58:21 PM): Nope.
shadowmn (4:58:26 PM): didn't think so.
tom_tormented (4:58:27 PM): No rebounds.
tom_tormented (4:58:45 PM): But, there is someone special who may...in the future...be there for me
tom_tormented (4:58:48 PM): Only time will tell.
shadowmn (4:58:52 PM): good
shadowmn (4:59:51 PM): I need to break away for a few Tom.. I'll be sitting online here but in the background for a while. I'd enjoy chatting later if you wish.
tom_tormented (5:00:15 PM): No problem...talk to you later. Bye.
shadowmn (5:00:19 PM): adios for now.

Tom was a pleasant and decent guy and you could deeply feel for him on a number of levels.. having lost his love mate and mother to his children.. to now being thrust into being the sole parent for three kids. But regardless of anyone's particular level of morality, what he did with his wife during his grief was not wrong. In the least they were married and that most certainly allows a spouse to express their grief in whatever manner they wish.. and to 'celebrate' and recognize their loved one's death in the one singular way that brought most of us married couples together to begin with.. the desire for sex to express our love for each other.

In another section on this site I discuss some of the options available regarding the funeral and burial of loved ones without the need for securing the traditional services of a funeral home; or in the least, knowing what services you truly have the choice of using versus what is according to the laws of your state and not 'implied' by the funeral industry. But let's start from the beginning, or rather, the beginning of humankind. Because we can reason and comprehend our surroundings we also can comprehend life as being that of conscious survival, and death as being the end of life. So it's no surprise that in our human struggles to survive over the last million years us fragile humans have given that unknown event of death spiritual and even mystical meaning through worship and celebration simply because its effects have been generally misunderstood. But regardless of all the cultural view of death the bottom line.. from caveman to modern man... is that when someone dies there is generally someone else who mourns for that person's life having ended. So therein lies the timeless and so very human paradox in feeling pain when a person dies and at the same time recognizing their accomplishments, or simple existance, while alive in order to give life and death some meaning.

As I've mentioned before in here, the way our Western, so-called civilized, culture celebrates death today was not as it was over the last thousands of years. The irony is that we now presume some level of all-knowing arrogance in the fact that somehow the way we dispose of our dead is in accordance with current accepted religious beliefs (that we all know is perfect.. uh huh), combined with a little influence from our collective laws to sort of fill in those 'gaps' regarding community health issues. Interlaced with all that concern for the betterment of the whole are a few laws that were created out of some moral obligation because what some people choose to do with the dead is not accepted by other people. But like everything in life, majority rules. If most people believed in a Viking funeral for their loved ones we'd have a system in place socially to encourage that.

I try my best to present the funeral industry in a fairly objective light and I am not against the service that's provided overall. While the industry itself has enjoyed nearly 100 years of 'domination' regarding the disposal of the dead, it's only been the last 10 to 15 years that much of the mystique regarding what is truly the law vs. what has been presented by the industry through perception of law in order to get business, has changed. But while truth in billing services and informing customers of choices available regarding the use or non-use of traditional funeral home services has been effective, the funeral industry, as a lobby group, still retains significant control in most states.. much like a trade union. For example, in SECTION 10 I discuss the options that are perfectly legal for carrying out what essentially amounts to a do-it-yourself funeral for your loved one... by-passing the local funeral home entirely. Yet, if you decide to do that for a non-family relative for a fee you are violating the law in most states (except Colorado) because you are not formally licensed... and to get a license you must go to an accredited mortician school. Now, at first blush you might defend that with the idea that morticians handle all those nasty embalming chemicals, drain the blood, and do secret embalmer 'things' to restore and preserve a body so it makes sense having to be trained to work with all that stuff safely. Well, that would indeed make some sense if it weren't for the fact that the do-it-yourself option for your loved one doesn't require all that nasty chemical handling or blood draining that one might presume to carry some public health risk if not handled properly. Conceptually, it is possible to specialize in only those funerals that do not require extensive embalming techniques, in the same spirit as the do-it-yourself funeral of a loved one. This has been tried in a couple states by a few determined and well-meaning individuals only to be warned that they were in state violation for practicing funeral direction without a license. Bottom line, it's ok for you to have your own funeral for a loved one but don't dare try to make a business (or profit) out of it... regardless of how inexpensive (or free) you make it to your clients.

Okay.. my reason for even mentioning all this is that many morticians and funeral directors hold to certain operating principles and business philosophies based on the current laws of their state regarding embalming and who is even permitted in the vicinity of the dead body once in the funeral home. Many of these laws need to be re-written or even repealed entirely because they flat out represent the influence of the state boards of funeral directors or ill-advised law makers and simply served to enhance the secrecy behind funerals. In some states it's against the law for a non-licenced person to even view the embalming process through a window. Now we're are getting to the crux of the growing debate over what kind of contact you, as a grieving loved one, don't have over the remains of your dead relative. I am not talking here about sex with the dead (although that is part of it as well because that is a legitimate expressive emotion) but even if you wished to partake in washing the body.. or dressing the body... or affixing the makeup. These things were almost ALWAYS traditionally performed by the family members or the community for thousands of years, before there ever was someone who thought money could be made providing such a service. It was a matter of respect for the dead as well as a means by which the survivors could mourn and directly celebrate one's death. And probably most of all, it helped to speed a bit of closure; fostering an emotional healing to many. To be quite honest, this sterilzed and sanitized 'tradition' Western culture has dreamed up is really an abomination to the spirit of the person who died. We loved them, kissed them, touched them while they were alive.. yet at their last breath we rush to get their body to the grave because death brings decay and germs and we shouldn't want to touch a yukky corpse. Uh huh. And who do you suppose conditioned us to think that? Take one guess.

What our friend Tom did with his dead wife in the above story was technically against the law in some form in every state of the union. Yet as we read it we morally justify his 'right' to take that liberty since it was his wife. But regardless, it was still against the law. Now, no one is going to take him into account for it.. her death was a natural death, albeit tragic for her young age... and no 'harm' was done. Now, let's extend that to the funeral home... and your dead spouse. Okay, admittedly maybe sex with your dead wife isn't anything you'd even consider in the intense throes of grief.. but maybe you'd like to show her the respect of giving her the last washing.. or dressing her body for viewing. Doesn't mean you'd be doing that alone necessarily.. but assisted perhaps... maybe by your wife's sister or something. Like in days past.. when personal respect for a person extended after their last breath. Yes, it's true that not everyone will want to do that. But that's my point.. the choices are there without the encumberances of absurd laws and regulations tying the hands of funeral directors. Their role should be encouraging your participation in your loved one's funeral arrangments for your own well-being and emotional recovery. It should remain your choice as to how far you wish that to go. But it should not be guided by law.

Now, I have heard from some morticians who have gone out on the proverbial limb and have taken the surviving relative behind the proverbial curtain to see their unembalmed and unrestored loved one only to claim to have suffered intense trauma and ended up sueing for emotional damages, in spite of signing a waiver. The problem then rests not with making a law keeping everyone away from viewing dead Aunt Edna before she's restored for viewing but rather putting legal teeth into a waiver. No brainer there.

Rob's List Of Funeral "Rights"

Ok.. this is a little tongue-in-cheek and hardly legal jargon.. but you get the picture.

As the spirit of a "Living Will" documents our wishes regarding measures to keep us medically alive, we should have the right to present a "death will" that documents with legal authority how we want our body specifically tended to and by whom and who might make the decisions, in the form of a death executor, in the event of my death.

Legal acceptence that the remains of a loved one become the full property of the legal survivor once the state obligations have been fulfilled and the remains released from an authorized state entity such as a hospital or morgue. This precident serves to establish that the survivors have a right and responsibility to dispose of the remains according to state health laws and according to the wishes of the deceased (having been made in advance) or their living representative.

Any person or business entity providing funeral services must allow unrestricted access to the deceased at all times, even to the point of allowing someone to stay with the body during the entire restoration process to ensure religious rights are maintained and/or a measure of respect assured.

Any person or business entity providing funeral services must allow physical contact with the deceased PROVIDING such contact is not a threat to health and such contact is conducive to the wishes of the deceased or their pre-arranged designate. Such contact should have the option of being private.

The whole idea with all of this is to simply point out that WE should call the shots on how we choose to mourn our dead and NOT be dictated to by any industry or lawmakers trying to impose social morality.