Here you are, going along in your marriage for years, sex is great (or so it seems) and one day your spouse starts asking you to lay still during sex... or you discover they have been having sex with you while you are sleeping, maybe waking up to them doing their thing to you.  You try to communicate with your spouse and you find that they have had this fantasy all their life of sex with a dead or unconscious body and they finally want you to play along.  Trust me folks, this is not just a wife's dilemma  as I have chatted with some husbands who have been on this receiving end too.  Also, this is not only regarding necro/sleepy fantasies either.  Learning that your significant other wants to whip you or strangle you during sex.. drop hot wax on your sensitive body parts... hog-tie you over the coffee table... or for you to do that to them.. can also be a bit disconcerting.  But let's go further outside marriage... you have been dating for months and suddenly your significant other has made the same sexual requests of you.  In both cases, because of your committment to the relationship and love for your partner you want to understand more about their sexual interests in order to try and please them.  If that is your reason for visiting my site then your significant other is indeed a very fortunate person to have such a loving partner that is willing to try.

I think much of the understanding in your partner's sexual interests, feelings, or fantasies are somewhat explained in Section 1 and certainly in Section 6E.  But the reason I am tossing this section in for general discussion is to perhaps help focus a bit on more of the emotional side.  A partner suddenly sharing the idea that they have a unique sexual fantasy or interest can sometimes be a difficult thing to accept.  In a marriage a spouse learning their mate has had these feelings for years might leave the spouse feeling guilty, sexually inferior to their mate's desires, and worst of all... feeling they've not been satisfying their mate all these years.  This can certainly lead to levels of personal depression as well as being a catalyst for general marital discord down the road.  If you are in a dating relationship you might fare slightly better because dating is the time of learning about your partner prior to a life-long emotional committment and emotional investment... and walking away from the relationship is a painful, yet valid alternative.  But let's face it, you're reading this cause you want things to work between the two of you.

I keep banging away all over this site that the most important part of enjoying any sexual fantasy is that the two people involved must COMMUNICATE with each other.  In one aspect your reading this section is a noble attempt to try and understand your partner... on the other hand, you being here also suggests you and your partner have a long way to go to start communicating your respective sexual desires.   But generally speaking, the both of you need to come to grips with how much sexual pleasure in the relationship means to each one of you.  I think we all know that sex means different things for males and females and this extends into loving relationships.  That's one reason why we have sexual 'moods'; those times we might want to be ravaged (or do the ravaging) like caged animals and other times we prefer candlight and soft music and slow motion.  In either case, the male will generally have an orgasm in some manner.  But a female need not require an orgasm to feel pleasure.. especially if that sexual pleasure is interpreted more as an affirmation of love and bonding intimacy toward the relationship.  These are the elements two people should be working out together; how important is sex itself to your relationship... how important is giving and/or receiving an orgasm important in the relationship.  From there you begin to work out a sexual enjoyment plan.  No, I don't mean sitting down with paper and a pencil.  What you discuss is something you both should wish to do not only to keep the relationship healthy but to simply provide pleasure to your partner because you want to make them happy to be with you... and it makes you happy that they feel happy.  What I call the selfish circle of love.  It's healthy.  If you and your partner have been together for 30+ years and are just now learning about this part of each other's desires the idea is NOT to look at the past as failed sexual experiences (they obviously weren't 'failed' as you are still together.. and if your partner is male then you've obviously brought him to pleasurable orgasm many times over the years.. probably even had kids) but rather the road to where you are at today.. lucky to be sharing and entering an improved and re-vitalized physical part of your relationship.

You need to determine how much weight to place between love and sex in your relationship.. and the true realities and priorities in your daily lives.  Perhaps it's also time to start communicating as to how you both are meeting the expectations of the other in your relationship in general as many times sexual desires, or lack thereof, overlap into other areas.  View this as an opportunity to connect... and less about it being a revelation of disappointment.

Ok.. all that is nice and great... but what if you simply can't imagine yourself providing your partner with the sexual requests that they have suddenly 'burdened' you with after all these years?  Well, that's a hard one to answer as it all depends on the fantasy or fetish itself.  If that's the case, and the two of you have established that your love for each other tends to extend past the need for sexual satisfaction between the two of you.. yet one or both of you still have that kinky sexual desire from time to time.. then perhaps some compromise is in order.  The Internet might offer some level of 'pressure release', providing the other partner doesn't see that play as being a threat to the relationship altogether.  Or get creative... cyber-chat with each other online in the ways that might bring the sexual pleasure you would normally be unable to provide.  But whatever the case, one partner revealing a sexual fantasy desire into a relationship should be viewed as yet another of the many opportunities for a loving compromise.  Remember, they didn't bring it up with intent of forcing you to leave them.  They finally had the courage to engage in their loving partner with a bit of hopeful sharing.  But neither should you have guilt for the past... and your partner must communicate that to you.. and most of all, you must have faith in what they tell you.  The true failure in any relationship is not the sexual kinks but rather the lack of communication.. and understanding.

There is one other componant, or variant, to consider if your relationship has gone on for many years and you've suddenly been confronted with a spousal sexual revelation.  It seems to hit males more than females, and that is age... or the proverbial 'male menopause'.  I present this not as an excuse nor as a reason for a wife to surrender her own feelings and views and make some sacrifice.  But it is an important componant to males feeling life beginning to ebb with advancing age and the desire for sexual pleasure.. one last time, kinda thing.  Again, engage in constructive communication between the two of you.  Most of all, take the opportunity to share with him your own desires.. it's a two-way street.